It's really late at night.. or you could say early in the morning... I really should be in bed... But well. Trying to read up on HIV & AIDS for tute later.

Von told me something worrying today.. she said the Huimin wants to have a kid.. but she doesn't want to get married.. and she wants the kid to have a father.. now that is gonna be a hard feat to pull off. This one I really gotta see.

I'm so tired.

Was arguing with Pons about dinner tomorrow since tomorrow night is the only night we are free to go out for dinner.. since it's my birthday on Friday. Aiz... Ok.. Pons.. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.. though I still want to win the bet.. I am kiasu Singaporean who has to win everything.... But I dunno.. somehow my birthday doesn't seem that important anymore. Maybe cos I'm past 21 already. Maybe cos of other things that have happened/ are happening in my life. All I really want in life is to be happy. But somehow that happiness seems somewhat elusive in my life.

It's so contradictory sometimes. I know what I want in my life. I know what God wants for me in my life. Yet I whinge and whine about things that happen around me. I teach my girls about looking at the bigger picture but somehow the bigger picture in my life gets misplaced when circumstances just cloud my life. The first chapter in Ordering Your Private World talks about hitting a brick wall. I just feel I hit another brick wall again. Maybe the issue wasn't really settled. I mean, I was willing to forgive and apologize at that instance in time, even though I knew that it wouldn't solve everything and the issue has re-surfaced again. God, what are you trying to teach me? How long more?

I just want to be happy. I want to find my completeness in God.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all.
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all.

I really really need that from God.. or I know I will not carry on. There are times you feel like dancing on the mountain top. Today I just want to scream.

Make My Life A Sacrifice
;2:18 AM

---