It's the end of the week again...the week passed fast as usual..but it felt extremely packed..for some rhyme or reason....probably cos since Friday there were just so many things on...

I feel off the stage today during praise and worship..stage is a purple platform btw...not that high..but yeah..i still managed to slip off....then had to climb back on..so paiseh..thank goodness not many people saw..only the 3 guitarists and gwen...but then i told mavis later..and she told the whole word...aiz...ruth still cannot believe how i did it....thank goodness i didn't fall like flat on my back..or else we would have had to stop the entire service...phew...was just so super distracted lah..very very bad.....so somehow i just kept going back..back..back..and then i fell of.....

why was i distracted?....well.....

was telling sharon about it just now...it's times like this when the hurt suddenly hits u straight in the face..unsuspectingly when u really don't know what to do....

during such times..the memories all come back....and u remember u never had the chance to say goodbye..never had the chance to say thank u....and u'll never see the person ever again...that kind of pain..well...unless u experience it yourself..it's very very hard to describe.....u miss the person so much... and u will continue to miss the person forever......till meet again in our Father's house....

does the hurt ever stop?

i dunno..i really don't know....

sharon says it will....well..at least now it's more chronic than acute..springing up only once in a while...even though the once in a while is already more than enough.... i really really need to learn to let go of this..it's really hard..cos this is not something that happens normally...it happened out of the blue..when it was least expected..no one would expect something like that to happen to someone so dear to them..... i heard someonbe saying this...the victims suffer..yes...but the survivors suffer a lot too.... who can heal those wounds that no one sees? God... i know God can....it question is how...how to let go of the shreds i cling upon to cos they are memories...how to keep the beautiful memories but to let go of the painful ones...to remember her for her goodnes..her grace..her joyfulness and her love for God..and most importantly her beautiful smile...but yet leave behind the pain of her sudden departure..how how?

it'll be easter in a week..one of the 2 biggest events in the church calender..and it hurts the most as such times cos it was also at times like this that the choir was the busiest...times like this when we had to put in extra hours to polish up those hard pieces....

can u send letters to heaven?

i doubt it....

i miss u shook fund..but i also need to let u go....i need to...i can't keep going on like this because this is something that will set me back..i need to see the good out of what happened...i need to see the light at the end of the tunnel....

When problems seem impossible
And we can't face another day,
The Lord extends His helping hand
And shows us He can make a way.
—Sper

Make My Life A Sacrifice
;6:08 AM

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