Make My Life A Sacrifice
I'm scared..I'm really scared..I'm scared I will fail this mid sem I'm having on monday..it was pure fear that drove me out of my bed last night that also resulted in my 2 hours of sleep. And all those bad dreams...all that fear I felt throughout my dreams...*shudder*...I wonder what's wrong man...then at 5 plus in the morning..while trying very very hard to get to sleep..I realized to my extreme horror that I had to reverse out my car with Yvonne's car at it's normal space..I was so so freaked out I tell you..cos I can never do it alone...but somehow I managed to..Thank God for that...I somehow I managed to stay awake throughout the day at Glenroy all the way till about 8pm. I was so tired I didn't even hear the YPG's praise and worship. I heard the 1st worship song and then at the start of the 1st praise song I had totally knocked out. Anyways..I think it's the fear that is keeping me up now..adrenelin rush...it's even more effective than V..unfortunately, it seems to take a longer time to wear out too.
I dunno how I'm feeling really. A bit messed up. Especially after that mini-lecture I got at 4 in the morning from Ruth last night about the roster and what Phil told me later as well. In such situations, I feel so powerless, that all I can do is to sit there and listen to what they have to say. Cos no matter what I say, it doesn't really matter. I mean, yes, I am in charge of the roster but well, I can't control people and I don't like to. Neither do I like telling people off, cos I'm not the kind of person who likes to argue with others, especially cos it upsets me a lot when people get unhappy and all. But haiz, in this situation, if I go tell person A, person A will have something to say about person B, and it's vice-versa too. Sometimes I just feel so entrapped...like I'm stuck between the 2 parties and it's a test of my loyalty. I know that ultimately I should be accountable to God...but yet...I'm still human, I am still held back by my human nature. I really don't know what to do at times. I can't count the number of nights I've cried about it, fretted about it. And it's not something that I can easily talk about to anyone out there. I really really don't like it.
Help me God? I need You so much.
But I call to God,
and the LORD saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
He ransoms me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me
~ Psalm 55:16-18
Here's some food for thought...Why do we call it saying 'grace' before every meal?
;9:58 AM
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About me
Ivy Ong
Child of God
Fina; Year Medical Student
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia